Identity

Consciousness

Nov 4

I want to speak to you about the issue of identity which for most people is a lifelong journey of separating the real from the unreal, the true from the false.

To begin, it is far too simplistic to state that you gained your identity of who you consider yourself to be from your parents, religion, or the educational system, and yet most people can certainly recount specific incidences in which their identity was affected in one way or another in one or more of those three environments.

But, of course, there’s a lot more going on.

Your identity is almost certainly going to be intertwined with reference points outside of yourself. My children are my life, my husband is my life, people say and without question, the vast majority of people identify with their jobs. But this also includes the homeless or being jailed. People identify with their outer circumstances to such a large extent that when those outer references points disappear, as by the way, they will all do in time, the individual experiences confusion, deep fear, panic. It happens to everyone, and usually more than once.

The most difficult experience I had with identity was when I was 40 years. I lost the first custody suit for my children and I left my teaching position about the same time, so, I was going for the daily double of darkness and when those two things happened, I went into a tunnel of despair. Who I considered myself to be disappeared overnight. I think it’s important for me to share these things with you because I prefer authenticity and I prefer to keep things real.

So, to repeat, when the inner understanding of who and what you are has been anchored to an outer reference point, then you’re in trouble. People identify with their wealth, their cars, their bodies, their children, their jobs, their hair, their clothes, their pets, their office setting, people identify with their depression, their anxiety, sex, and for the ego, anything that establishes status is fair game to hook into and establish an identity. People identify with their illusions…that’s a long list of people! And people identify with their hallucinations.

I do not know anybody who hasn’t done it and if that’s true about everyone, then there must be a common purpose behind it.

Jesus identified himself as being the Son of God.
Krishnamurti identified himself as being, in his own words he said, “I am everyman.”
Charles Manson when asked who he was, said, “Nobody. I’m nobody. I'm a tramp, a bum, a hobo. I'm a boxcar and jug of' wine. And a straight razor, if you get too close to me."

Identity is important to establishing what you perceive to be stability. It may not feel very good at times but at least you have an identity. But the problem with identity is that if you can confirm that your identity is hooked into something or someone outside of you, then you’re in trouble. But, I want to be realistic and say that if you can accept, if you are aware that the object of your affection, your identity will disappear before your eyes one day, and if you’re willing to be responsible for that, then as long as you are aware, then go for it. Love is like that.

There are moments when you lose yourself in the moment, forsaking all other things and being seized by something or someone in which without even knowing it your identity is changed forever. Such is the story of Savitri who comes upon her soul mate, Satyavan.

This is from Aurobindo’s epic work “Savitri.”:

“A look, a turn decides our ill-poised fate.
Thus in the hour that most concerned her all,
Wandering unwarned by the slow surface mind,
The heedless scout beneath her tenting lids
Admired indifferent beauty and cared not
To wake her body’s spirit to its king.
So might she have passed by on chance ignorant roads
Missing the call of Heaven, losing life’s aim,
But the god touched in time her conscious soul.
Her vision settled, caught and all was changed.
Her mind at first dwelt in ideal dreams,
Those intimate transmuters of earth’s signs
That make known things a hint of unseen spheres,
And saw in him the genius of the spot,
A symbol figure standing mid earth’s scenes,
A king of life outlined in delicate air.
Yet this was but a moment’s reverie;
For suddenly her heart looked out at him,
The passionate seeing used thought cannot match,
And knew one nearer than its own close strings.
All in a moment was surprised and seized,
All in inconscient ecstasy lain wrapped
Or under imagination’s coloured lids
Held up in a large mirror-air of dream,
Broke forth in flame to recreate the world,
And in that flame to new things she was born.”

There are, indeed, when individuals are born again and their identity changes. So, in your identification of who you consider yourself to be, what more could be taking place? A change in identity necessitates a change of consciousness. A change of consciousness necessitates a change of identity. But always there is the ego that wants its due.

It is so tempting here to cite other people’s circumstances in which their ego destroyed the identity of who they pretended to be is that’s too easy. In doing so, I would negate the very thing I am trying to advance and that is encouraging you to move from the outer world to the inner world. So, let’s stick with the inner path in front of us.

The mind doesn’t seek consciousness in its pursuit of identity. You seek, consciously and unconsciously, elements in the horizontal, sensory world… an identity… that hides or masks the person you are afraid you are inside. That is why grandiosity is always a disguise for despair.

Your identification with the negative-ground-of-being is significant because it fulfills the mandate of the separation from God, from truth. Do you see? Do you understand? The identification that you have with being less than for some reason, not good enough, not loveable, or whatever it is, would be perfectly OK if you took on the role in the way that an actor takes on the role but, of course, you don’t. You unconsciously, unknowingly become the thought, you become the negative-ground-of-being and it is this action that sets your evolutionary process into motion.

Your evolutionary process is the remembering of who you really are through the act of forgetting who you are. As Aurobindo says, “Fate is Truth working its way out through ignorance.”

So, the question does become, how much ignorance, how much pain and suffering will you require before you are willing to change your identity?

If every person seeks for identity outside of themselves then it means one of two things:

1. Identity is completely individualized and as a result, it is up to the individual to discover what it is. You’re on your own.
2. Your identity has already been established at your birth. But confusion and false identity are the first steps to discovering what that pre-established identity is. But the good news is the identity already exists.

Number 2 is the better alternative because you can at least relax a little bit knowing you’re your true identity is there. It’s like running low on gas but you know you’re going to find a gas station before you run out. But as I have said many times, we exist in two worlds, one within the other, the horizontal within the vertical, who you pretend to be versus who you really are, and that game can be a lot of fun to play.

In 1993, I gave up meditation. I knew that it was time for my identity to change once again and I saw it as the time to begin building my new life. Having lost everything, I was literally dying. It was time for another change. I took everything that I had learned over the years and got to work with no guarantee that anything was going to work out. I wasn’t after success. I was after what I instinctively knew lay inside of me but could not reach, could not find. I decided to get up off my cushion and start rebuilding my life. My identity changed once again.

You must never forget that character is destiny and your fate is bound up with that character.

Now, as this is taking place, your outer world obeys the laws and truths that make up your inner world, that is your character. The consciousness or unconsciousness that lies inside of you manifests in form outside of you. But remember, within you the force, the truth of who you are is always growing, always trying to reveal itself. The mask you wear is what people assume you to be. And you assume that other people are the masks that they, too, wear.

But emerging out of this cacophony of struggle without being able to find the gas station, the real you, the Godhead inside of you, the truth of who and what you are, seeks to make itself known. I am convinced that you see, experience, glimpses, if but for a second, of what that is, of experiencing a fulfilled existence and that in doing so, you must confront and solve all of the unique barriers that you, yourself, has designed as part of that journey.

It is a spiritual mandate that what is buried inside of you become the truth of your existence outside of you and that the secret of who you really becomes the experience of your true identity. This is the heavenly law, the heavenly and earthly decree of your existence, a law that all great seers and prophets, thinkers, poets and architects of buildings and souls have experienced. The unknown is not unknowable. The way is known.

In the meantime, your acceptance of your identity resides in the denial of these truths. What you do not know, you cannot govern. It governs you and this is the eternal dilemma with which every human being wrestles…why is my life the way it is? This is your prison, this is your box. A wonderful analogy to this happened to me just yesterday.

Terry and I went down to our little pontoon boat that we’ve had for nearly 20 years and I try to take good care of it. The boat had already had its annual repairs and preparations and we had already been out on the boat the weekend before. But the motor wouldn’t start. I wasn’t alarmed because I knew that everything was in good shape but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get it to start. I isolated the problem and knew that the gas was not re3aching the engine. I pulled the gas line off, inspected it, cleaned it, got the air out of the line…still wouldn’t work…

So, then, I knew, it has to be the primer bulb. I just happened to have an extra one. In replacing it, I couldn’t find any hose clamps so I had to get in the car and started driving around with everything being closed during the pandemic to find some hose clamps. Upon returning to the boat an hour later, I installed the new bulb…still wouldn’t work. So, now I know it’s the gas filter that was installed that is fitted on the outer frame between the engine and the primer bulb. I finally get the filter off only to find it’s full of gas and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be releasing gas to the engine.

Now, I’m back to the primer bulb.

I take it off, inspect it, make sure the directional arrow on the bulb is pointed to the engine. At last, I know, I’ve fixed it. It’s got to start this time. Still won’t start.

Frustrated, I finally give up.

You’ve done everything you know to do to get your life going in the direction of your choice. Nothing is working. Nothing is going your way. It’s not fair, you say.

The following afternoon, I called the mechanic who works on our boat to ask him about my problem. Reliable, a great mechanic, honest and kind, he said, “Well, I’m only about a mile from your boat. I had to run down to the lake this afternoon. Do you want me to go by and take a look?”

“Yes, if you don’t mind.”

Knowing where I keep the boat in the water, he called me about 5 minutes later and said, “I found the problem, and the motor’s purring like a kitten.”

“What was it? I know it’s got to be something simple,” I said. “What was it?”

“Your lanyard emergency switch was off.”

For seasoned boat owners, you already knew what I was going to say. For the inexperienced, the lanyard emergency switch is an emergency switch located right next to the driver’s seat that, when connected, will cut the motor off if something happens to the driver rendering the drive incapacitated for any reason.

Somehow, without my knowledge, it had been shut off. It wouldn’t have mattered what I tried and how much money I spent trying to fix it, that motor was not going to start until the switch was turned on. Once the switch was turned on, everything worked perfectly. My stupidity, this time, only costs me $140.00. I am, of course, suggesting the switch is consciousness.

You imagine yourself on the positive side to having free will to become the master of your own destiny. On the negative side, your experience is that no matter what you do, you don’t always end up where you want to. As long as your identity is attached to an inferior version of who you really are, you will be compelled.

But, in fact, you must consider that your identification with an illusion of yourself, with the negative-ground-of-being, is destined to be fulfilled because no matter what you do until the switch is turned from the off position to the on position, it’s not going to work. Consciousness, which as I have said before, is described through the phrase Sachidananda, which signifies Consciousness / Existence / Bliss.

These understandings do not really exist in the American culture, so, I realize they may seem and sound odd. Existence that is aware of itself, not the mind trying to figure out who it is by wandering the deserts in the physical world hoping to find what it is looking for. Consciousness alone can supply the true identity of who you are but please, feel free to wander. Try everything in your power to fix it. But the only way it’s going to be fixed is by reaching right behind you, within arm’s length, and turning the switch from off to on. It’s right there!

And the reason the problem can’t be fixed is that you don’t know what the problem is!

In the meantime, buy a new motor, a new car, a new partner, a new wardrobe, a new house. Any sense of a new identity is always contrary to the old you. And you know this to be as true as I do that even when you have been told where the switch is, what the problem really is, you may not choose it. For a variety of reasons. Knowing does not lead to doing and when you do take action, doing does not always lead to fulfillment.

As you become more and more aware of your own ignorance and you become aware that the solutions to your particular situation do not exist in the same old places. Reading an inspirational quote, watching a TED talk, doesn’t change a thing. The knowledge you seek lies outside of your mind and it is the ignorance that serves as the veil to this knowledge, to this identity.

The reason you experience tension, the reason you experience uneasiness, anxiety, depression is because the old mind is trying to hang onto its old identity and your soul is trying to realize its own completion and it is the friction of these two that creates the grinding, the rage, the frustration. Try what you might…it becomes a repetition of the circling tracks of your mind, the same old patterns, the same old outcomes. Knowledge can only come by conscious identity, you being aware of yourself, existence aware of itself.

The perfection of who you are must include the imperfection of who you are.

You have to unify who you are and who you’re not, realizing that there was a deep purpose to your becoming, to your illusions. And this can only come from the knowledge that lies above your mind and body.

I want to read this quote from Aurobindo’s “Savitri.” It’s a little long but hang with it because it is so valuable.

“His crucified voice proclaims, I, I am God
Yes, all is God, peels back heavens deathless call.
The seed of Godhead sleeps in mortal hearts,
The flower of Godhead grows on the world tree
And all shall discover God in self and things.
But when God’s messenger comes to help the world
And lead the soul of earth to higher things,
He too must carry the yoke he came to unloose
He too must bear the pang that he would heal
Exempt and un-afflicted by earth’s fate,
How shall he cure the ills he never felt?
He covers the world’s agony with his calm
But though to the outward eye no sign appears
And peace is given to our torn human hearts,
The struggle is there and paid the unseen price
The fire, the strife, the wrestle are within.
He carries the suffering world in his own breast
Its sins weigh on his thoughts, its grief is his

Earth’s ancient load lies heavy on his soul
Night and its powers beleaguer his tardy steps
The Titan adversary’s clutch he bears
His March is a battle and a pilgrimage
Life’s evil smites, he is stricken with the world’s pain
One million wounds gape in his secret heart
He journeys sleepless through an unending night
Antagonist forces crowd across his path
A siege, a combat is his inner life
Even worse may be the cost, direr the pain
His large identity and all-harboring love
Shall bring the cosmic anguish into his depths
The sorrow of all living things shall come
And knock at his doors and live within his house
A dreadful chord of sympathy can tie
All suffering into his single grief and make
All agony in all the world’s his own
He meets an ancient adversary force
He is lashed with the whips that tear the world’s worn heart
The weeping of the centuries visits his eyes
He wears the blood-glued fiery Centaur shirt
The poison of the world has stained his throat
In the marketplace of Matter’s capital
Amidst the chafferings of the affair called life
He is tied to the stake of a perennial fire
He burns on an unseen original verge
That matter may be turned to Spirit stuff
He is the victim in his own sacrifice
The immortal bound to Earth’s mortality
Appearing and perishing on the roads of time
Creates God’s moment by eternity’s beats.
He dies that the world may be newborn and live.
Even if he escapes the fiercest fires,
Even if the world breaks not in a drowning sea
Only by hard sacrifice is high heaven earned
He must face the fight, the pang who would conquer hell.
A dark concealed hostility is lodged
In the human depths, and the hidden heart of time
That claims the right to change and mar God’s work
A secret enmity ambushes is the world’s March
It leaves a mark on thought and speech and act
It stamps stain and defect on all things done
Till it is slain peace is forbidden on earth
There is no visible foe but the unseen
Is round us, forces intangible besiege
Touches from alien realms, thoughts not our own
Overtake us and compel the erring heart
Our lives are caught in an ambiguous net.
An adversary force was born of old
Invader of the life of mortal man
It hides from him the straight immortal path
A power came in to veil the eternal light
A power opposed to the eternal will
Diverts the messages of the infallible word
Contorts the contours of the cosmic plan
A whisper lures to evil the human heart
It seals up wisdom’s eyes, the soul’s regard
It is the origin of our suffering here
It binds earth to calamity and pain
This all must conquer who would bring down God’s peace
This hidden foe lodged in the human breast
Man must overcome or miss his higher fate
This is the inner war without escape.”

This is the path. The suffering you have undertaken is the path to the realization of your true identity. It is through this mud and the layers of the past that you must push. This is the divine act of the soul not to read about, not to witness, not to know, but to experience itself for who it really is.

Your identity was established at birth, for you are a mirror image of the divine, of the Absolute. But, perception is a choice and always will be, so, it’s up to you to decide.

But I’d like to share with you an image, an identity to consider. I received this quote from Robert Wilkinson but do not know the source of the quote:

“God speaks only to the oldest souls, the ones most experienced in living and suffering. You shall belong to no-one and to nothing, to no party, to no majority, to no minority, to no society except in that it serves me at my altar. You shall not belong to your parents, nor to your wife and children, nor to your brothers and sisters, nor to them who speak your language, nor to those who speak any other — and least of all to thine own self. You shall belong only to me in this world.”